My Heavy Heart

It is will teared filled eyes and a lump in my chest that I am now writing to you.
My heart has been heavy since I got sad news last week thast my step father is now termanially ill from cancer (the same thing that killed my father when I was 9) he will no longer be able to live the remaining life he has in the home that he alone paid for to have a life for his children and later my Mom AND i. Now he will spend his remaining life in the VA hospital. Where my Mom has been unable to visit him because of her own failing health. My mom is 82 years old now and has been a breast cancer surviver, along with open heart surgery and many things. However as I was told today by my sister. Her battle is fadeing fast. They found a blood clot in her leg this week and she had to have surgery to remove it. She is recovering.. however yet again. She two will never be returning to her house. Now I am told she will spend her remaining time in a nurseing home.
Backing up the clock of time here-
When I was in 6th grade I met a little girl named Rose. She was crying and when I asked her why. She said she had lost her "Mood ring" that her mother had given her. (her mother had passed on the year before) I felt so sad for her that I stayed after school to help her find this special ring. Yes we did find it and we bonded. However it wasnt until our teen years that we acctually started hanging out together. Then Rose and I devised a sneaky little plan and introduce My mom to her dad. They fell in love right away and got married when I was 20. Bill (my step dad) opened his doors for me until I moved out and got married at 21. I guess I should have also mentioned the the day I went to the doctors and found out I lost my daughter. Bill was the only one with me. He also stopped me from jumping out a 3rd floor window...
Bill was in deed the father I never knew. Now after 24 years of marriage. My step father and My mom will live the remain lives apart. There live exspetancy at this point is any time.. here I sit 1000 miles away and broke. I dont even know if I will even be able to say goodbye.. or get one last hug in before they pass on to there next and final journey to go HOME to our heavenly father. Ok I have to stop now..
I love you all
Jodie

Last year for my Mom's 80th birthday (we share the same day) My family threw her a big party. (which again I coulnt be there) Anyway-
They surprised My Mom and Bill with a preacher who renewed there vows! My brother video taped it and sent me a copy. It was a beautiful party and you could tell they were in love just as much now as they were then.. again this was July of 07.. a little over a year ago and they were both in much better health
My Mom and Bill July 7th 2007


This is my Mom with two of my neices

Jodie, your mom looks absolutely beautiful. They are such a sweet couple. I will (as I always have) keep you in my prayers. Damn, I wish I could do more.

Dearest Jodie, this news breaks my heart. I am so sorry to hear of the illnesses of your mom and step-father. You all are definitely in my prayers. This is suppose to be the season of joy yet whenever we have loved ones who are suffering at this time of year I truly believe it weighs heavier on the heart.

The pictures are wonderful and I am hoping with this sad news you can try to remember all the wonderful times you have experienced with both of them to hopefully ease some of your pain.

Take care my friend. :flowerheart:

Jodie,
Oh man, this just sucks raw eggs, baby. It really does. I can't imagine having this burden and don't even want to. I love how you and Rose got them together - such a sweet story. And I see their love in the picture, Jodie. It just radiates out from them. I'll be praying somehow God finds a way for you to go to them soon, to ease your heart. Mine is already being sent. I love you, my friend. Get Deb to get you an extra big hug - it's from me.
~tyg

Thanks you guys!
I need to get a group hug smilie!

Yeah im pretty much in shock and tears at the moment. My moods don't know which way to go. Just when I think I have cried all the tears I have... I cry more :(
Then I do this
I think the hardest part besides not being able to hug them both.. is the fact that they will not be able to live out the remainer of there life here on earth together. Debbie said it remined her of a song..
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
Where Have you Been By Kathy Mattea
Clare had all but given up
When she and Edwin fell in love
She touched his face, and shook her head
In disbelief, she sighed and said
"In many dreams, I've held you near.
Now at last your really here.
CHORUS
"Where have you been?
I've looked for you forever and a day.
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when your away."
Verse
He asked her for her hand for life
And she became a salesman's wife
He was home each night by eight
But one stormy evening he was late
Her frightened tears fell to the floor
'Til his key turned in the door
"Where have you been?
I've looked for you forever and a day.
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when your away."
(Bridge)
They'd never spent a night apart
For sixty years she heard him snore
Now they're in a hospital
In separate beds, on different floors
Clare soon lost her memory
Forgot the names of family
She never spoke a word again
Then one day they wheeled him in
He held her hand and stroked her hair
And in a fragile voice she said,
"Where have you been?
I've looked for you forever and a day.
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when your away.
No, I'm just not myself when your away."
Kathy Mattea


That song always made me cry and then when Deb mentioned it about my Mom and Bill well I did this again... :(

I just keep praying that God gets me through this because he is the only one that has the power to help mend a broken heart
I love you guys

it's beautiful...... :flowerheart: